I've been using the CPAP machine for about a month now.
I definitely feel better. I have more energy during the day and I'm not dozing off while I'm driving to work.
I've lost 10 pounds. Apparently, when you don't get enough sleep your body thinks it needs more calories. Since I've been using the CPAP machine, I've noticed that I'm not as hungry as I used to be.
About once a night I wake up with the air tube wrapped around my neck. My wife still has not provided me with enough evidence to prove that she isn't one doing it. My lawyer thinks I might have a case.
One thing they left out of all the promotional videos and brochures: Epic gas. The CPAP forces warm moist into your lungs and your gastrointestinal tract. So, after a good night's sleep, I usually wake up feeling like a whoopie cushion. The first thing in the morning I can crank out some serious blue ribbon farts. I was so impressed with the duration and force of my farts that I felt compelled to check world record for farts. I'm not even close. According to a few web sites, the world record for fart duration is somewhere around two and half minutes. Damn.
Look, Nick Lachey...I am not wrapping that damn inflexible tubing around your wimpy little throat...Next thing you know, you'll want part of my share of the money in the divorce (since you work for the good of the company and not actual rubles.)
ReplyDeleteNick Lachey? Is that some sort of literary reference?
ReplyDeleteDo you sound like Darth Vader when you sleep? Or did they punch out one of those neck holes for you?
ReplyDeleteThe first one.
ReplyDeleteWhat's this "theelektron.com" all about?
its my website, sign up.
ReplyDeleteI will.
ReplyDelete