Cabela's

On our way back from Pukefest '05, we stopped at the Cabela's store. We don't hunt, fish, camp, or even hike. Why did we stop? I'm not sure. "Oh, your kids will love it. They have the coolest exhibits" people told us.

There was green toilet paper in the bathrooms.

They have conference rooms. Why do they need conference rooms?

There were cute little novelty parking signs that read "elk hunter parking only -- violators will be shot" ...OK...

I saw a fishing reel that was about the size of toaster oven that was selling for $1200.00.

My daughter picked up an item that looked like an oversized metal coat hanger with notches near the shoulders.

daughter: Mom, what is this for? It's only $7. Can I buy it?
Sherry: Um...they hang dead deer on those.

My daughter quietly put the deer hanger back on the pile. Awkward.

There was a wonderful toy section. My favorites were the Hunter Dan and Hunter Ann action figures. The video games were interesting. They had a hunting game for the XBox/PC. In the game the player drives a pickup truck around until they see something they'd like to kill. The large animal is usually charging at the shooter. If the player misses the target and the animal hits the player, the game warden steps in and saves the player from certain death...only the animals get to die.

I saw a hottie with long blonde hair and tight Wrangler jeans. When she turned around I saw that she had a 5 inch buck knife attached to her waist in a black leather sleeve. WTF? That totally killed my chub. The Wrangler jeans should have tipped me off. I'll know better next time.

I had mix emotions about the exhibits. At first, I was taken back my their amazing beauty. The animals looked so life-like (ha ha). This feeling lasted about 10 seconds. The plaques that documented the animals referred to them as trophies. Nice. I looked up at the enormous trophy elephant and all I could think was "wow that big game hunter must have had really low self-esteem, and/or a really small penis."