Christmas at the Schumachers

On Sunday morning my son and I were watching the first Formula 1 race of the season. I had missed the first part of the race and when I started watching I was surprised to see Michael Schumacher¹ in second place. I wondered out loud where Ralph Schumacher² was.

son:	“...ummmm...he's in 13th place.”
me:	“...ok...”
son:	“...I wonder which one their dad favors...”

Ignoring the subconscious sibling rivalry occurring at my house, my son and I started acting out (that's what we do at the Mann household) the various awkward Schumacher family gatherings. This is what we came up with:

mom:	“Oh Michael! Merry Christmas! You're early. We weren't expecting you for another 30 minutes.”
Michael:	“Well, I can't help it.”
dad:	“That's my boy. Where is Ralph?”
Michael:	“Oh, he called me and said that he was running a little late. Flat tire.”
dad:	“Figures. That's what you get when you let the French make your tires.”
mom:	“Honey, don't be so hard on him.”
(the gift exchange)
Michael:	“Dinner was excellent mom. Here, this is for you and dad. Merry Christmas.”
mom:	“Oh my goodness. Our own Italian villa on a private island?! Michael, you shouldn't have.”
Michael:	“It's the least I could do.”
mom:	“How could you possibly afford this?”
Michael:	“Mom, remember, I'm the highest paid athlete in the world.”
dad:	“Thanks son. Fantastic.”
Ralph:	“I got you a little something too.”
dad:	“A gift certificate to have our driveway sealed?”
Ralph:	“Yeah, that company is great. They did my driveway. They wash...”
dad:	“Michael, does our new villa have a driveway?”
Michael:	“No, its only accessible by boat or helicopter.”
Ralph:	“Well, you can seal the helipad...”
dad:	“Is the helipad made of asphalt?”
Michael:	“Concrete.”
dad:	“The helipad is made of concrete Ralph. What the hell were you thinking?”
Ralph:	“Well, I didn't know that Michael was gonna...”
dad:	“No you didn't, because you never talk to your brother do you? Maybe if you spoke to him from time to time, you'd learn a few things.”
Ralph:	“But, I...”
dad:	“Shut up Ralph.”
Michael:	“Your new neighbor, George Clooney, is looking forward to meeting you. He's a great guy, you'll love him.”

¹ Michael the six-time world champion. Last year was a bad year for him. I thought he lost his edge...so this year...you can just imagine my surprise.

² Ralph is the brother of the six-time world champion. I don't remember Ralph ever winning a race. But he tries. God bless him, he tries.