SPF 0

This winter weather we're having has me longing for summer. Which reminds me of an annual argument my wife and I have sometime in the middle of June.

I come home from work and see that my beautiful wife has been burnt to a crisp by Mr. Sun.

me (head):	“Christ. Every fuckin' year. We have to say something.”
me:	“Nice.”
Sherry:	(feigning ignorance) “What.”
me (head):	“And here we go...”
me:	“How's that sunscreen? Is it still in the bottle?”
Sherry:	“I used it. I swear!”
me (head):	“Say something sarcastic. Something witty!”
me:	“Right.”
me (head):	“See, this is why we never win arguments with her.”
Sherry:	“Ask the kids.”
Oldest Son:	“Dad, she put it on. I saw her. She put it on herself after she put it on us.”
Sherry:	(grinning like an idiot) “See?”
me (head):	“First rule of Parent Fight Club: don't involve the kids.”
me:	“So you put it on and then...what? You took a shower?”
Sherry:	“It must have washed off in the pool.”
me:	“Really. If that's the case, then the kids should be burnt as well.”
Sherry:	“I don't know. It doesn't matter. I'm not like you. This will turn into a nice tan in two days.”
me (head):	“That's why she does it. Every fuckin' year. Say something. Let her know that we're on to her.”
me:	“I'm gonna play Quake now.”

And so my thoughts are littered with images of Sherry at the beach with her grandchildren.

Mmmmm. GILF.

An Easy Target

Everyone knows that Sherry is a TV nut. But I have to say, it was pretty funny to see a hand written note depicting the up coming TV schedule. Here is a computerized rendering of the note:

	8PM	9PM	10PM
Sun	Amazing Race (C) Simpsons (F)	Family Guy (F)	Brothers & Sisters (A)
Mon	Prison Break (F)	Heroes (N) Runway (CW)	Brian (A) Studio 60 (N)
Tues	Fri Night Lights (N) Gilmore (CW)	Knights (A)
Wed	Jericho (C)	Lost (A)	The Nine (A) Kidnapped (N)
Thurs	Ugly Betty (A) Earl/Office (N) Survivor (C)	Grey's (A)	Six Degrees (A) ER (N)

You're welcome!

See Sherry? Why are you still using paper? You can even add links to the various shows. Here is my schedule for the upcoming TV season:

	8PM	9PM	10PM
Sun	Simpsons (F)	Family Guy (F)	Quake
Mon	Quake	Heroes (N)	Girls Gone Wild
Tues	binge/purge	teen porn
Wed	asian porn	Lost (A)	play with air compressor
Thurs	Earl/Office (N)	burn stuff	Quake

I noticed you have an opening in your schedule Tuesday nights at 10PM. I left that time open as well. Wink wink. Nudge Nudge.

Comcastic

I just want to take a moment and reflect on our wonderful Comcast customer sevice experience.

We had some minor problems with our internet connection. It was mostly during the day, so I didn't really care.

My wife called Comcast customer service and reported the problem on Friday. The next morning (yes, a Saturday) a friendly service technician fixed our problem. And, this is the best part, my wife managed to get $20 off our August bill. I don't know how she does it, maybe she offered to dry hump a few people.

In related news: The dirty laundry was magically washed and folded again.