Still Alive

I'm still here. I've been unmotivated and too busy to write a post...for 89 days.

I've been busy:

• buying a new, ghost free, home


• making last minute repairs on our old home before putting it on the market (read: polishing the turd)


• selling our old home


• helping the 4 other household members deal with the stress of school


• working (duh!)


• teaching a class on Hibernate...shut up!


• trying to get Comcast to unfuck my "triple play" service - 45 days without a home phone


• going on the best vacation ever

To quote Sweet Tea -- "Waaaaaa!"

Anyway, I'm back.

Digital Video Sucks Ass

An open letter to the digital video/codec industry:

Dear Assclowns:

May you all burn in eternal hellfire.

Sincerely,

JC Mann

I borrowed a digital video camera so that I could record my son's talent show act. It was a cheap, $100, no-name device, but it was better than nothing at all. I recorded the act without any problems. I brought the camera home and plugged it into my computer using the "specially designed" USB cable (Yes, you special-cable-connector-designin'-assclowns are next).

I opened the .mov file to view my masterpiece. QuickTime started playing the video immediately...sans video. While I listened to the audio, QuickTime presented me with a window containing a completely white canvas. Thanks QT. Good work. Onto other players. MPlayer? Same thing. I tried VLC, and it worked...but not without spewing tons of warning messages about the codec! Grinning like an idiot, I watched my son's act in all its splendor, rendered in grainy low-resolution video accompanied by tinny mono audio. What an age we live in.



It's hard to imagine what goes on at these big technology companies that produce our wonderful consumer electronics.

tech-lead:	“OK people, how are we gonna store the video for our new camcorder? We need ideas.”
new guy:	“We could use MPEG. It's used in tons of places: DVDs, HD transmission, HD-DVDs, and Blue Ray. It's kind of become the de facto standard, so the chip sets for encoding and decoding have become a commodity.”
awkward glances
tech-lead:	“OK, we need ideas people.”
engineer 1:	“I've just finished developing my own codec.”
tech-lead:	“Fantastic. License?”
engineer 1:	“Oh, it's all our intellectual property.”
engineer 2:	“How well does it compress?”
engineer 1:	“Sometimes a little better than MPEG. I pretty much took the MPEG algorithm and tweaked it.”
tech-lead:	“Software compatibility?”
engineer 1:	“I've written a plug-in for Windows Media Player.”
tech-lead:	“So, it will only work with Windows?”
engineer 1:	“Well, if they're running Vista with the latest OS patches.”
tech-lead:	“Wait, what about other OS's?”
engineer 2:	“What other OS's?!”
laughter
engineer 1:	“I guess it could be reverse engineered, but by the time it is, we'll be using a different codec.”
tech-lead:	“Right. Of course. It's always worked for us in the past.”
engineer 2:	“Is the plug-in secure?”
engineer 1:	“Well, not really. It could allow a hacker to execute arbitrary code.”
tech-lead:	“Whoa-whoa. That sounds bad.”
engineer 1:	“I'm thinkin', when was the last time a hacker was able compromise a plug-in for Windows Media Player?”
tech-lead:	“Good point.”

SPF 0

This winter weather we're having has me longing for summer. Which reminds me of an annual argument my wife and I have sometime in the middle of June.

I come home from work and see that my beautiful wife has been burnt to a crisp by Mr. Sun.

me (head):	“Christ. Every fuckin' year. We have to say something.”
me:	“Nice.”
Sherry:	(feigning ignorance) “What.”
me (head):	“And here we go...”
me:	“How's that sunscreen? Is it still in the bottle?”
Sherry:	“I used it. I swear!”
me (head):	“Say something sarcastic. Something witty!”
me:	“Right.”
me (head):	“See, this is why we never win arguments with her.”
Sherry:	“Ask the kids.”
Oldest Son:	“Dad, she put it on. I saw her. She put it on herself after she put it on us.”
Sherry:	(grinning like an idiot) “See?”
me (head):	“First rule of Parent Fight Club: don't involve the kids.”
me:	“So you put it on and then...what? You took a shower?”
Sherry:	“It must have washed off in the pool.”
me:	“Really. If that's the case, then the kids should be burnt as well.”
Sherry:	“I don't know. It doesn't matter. I'm not like you. This will turn into a nice tan in two days.”
me (head):	“That's why she does it. Every fuckin' year. Say something. Let her know that we're on to her.”
me:	“I'm gonna play Quake now.”

And so my thoughts are littered with images of Sherry at the beach with her grandchildren.

Mmmmm. GILF.

INTJ

In an effort to better understand me, Charlie found this article: Caring for Your Introvert.

The article really hits the spot. After reading it I didn't feel like such a freak.

"In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing."

Yup. That's about right. For me, just replace "recharge" with "play Quake."

The article was written to help extroverts comprehend that not everyone is the same as them. I don't think Charlie paid much attention while reading it. I think he just thinks it's funny, which it is, but it's loaded with valuable information. He continues to not understand that I don't see the point of small talk. Or that slapping me on my shoulder somehow goes from not acceptable to acceptable, if you just do it enough times.

No Love From Grande

Grande? I changed the layout. No comments? It's narrower now.

I have to so say this is a first for me. I've never been too wide for anyone.

Now you can view it on your cellphone.

You're welcome.

Changes

A brand new look

I've made some cosmetic changes. Duh! I hope you like them. Deppen, I'm sorry to introduce so much change at one time. We'll get through this together.

As you can see, I'm having some trouble creating an icon that I like. I'll get it...just give me some time.

Member's Only (sorry, no jackets)

I'm been receiving a ton of spam (splog). I guess it was only a matter of time. I've decided to use the chalkdust approach: member logins. I don't like it, but for now, this is how it's gotta be. I've setup accounts for the usual visitors. If you haven't received your account information, it is probably because of one or more reasons:

• I just forgot about you.
• I don't have your email address.
• You've never posted a comment, so I didn't see the point.
• I don't want you to have an account.

If you would like an account, just email me. If you don't know my email address or can't figure out what it is, then you probably shouldn't be asking for an account.

Test Results

The AQ Test: 31 (Of course 31 is definitely not 32. Definitely 31. Bang! 97-X!)
The Brain Speed: 44ms (1^st try), 34ms (2^nd try), 25ms (3^rd try)
The Nerd Test: 98%

I'm less trustworthy than a Muslim

Please don't trust me. Chances are -- I don't trust you.

Why? There are so many reasons. Ummmm...how about...war. Here is a list of all of the wars started by those distrustful Atheists.

Formatting Changes

I updated the formatting of the comments. I hope you like the new look. Deppen kept complaining about the comments being difficult to read.

Deppen, with your approval, I'd like to update the status of this bug to "closed."

I Hate Lawyers

OK. I know I'm wrong to say that. I guess I'm supposed to say "I hate The System."

This person could possibly win a lawsuit with a payout of $40,000 per bug bite.

I Just Don't Understand

There are several things that I don't understand in this world. Zero Point Energy, video compression algorithms, and people like this.

Goin' Legit

Hey what do you think of my mugshot? Uncle "The Enabler" Gary snapped it with his tricked-out digital camera. Thanks, man.

See, it's funny because I asked for your comments, but I didn't allow comments on this post. Thus, thwarting any nasty anonymous interweb bashers. I think He-Man said it best when he said, "I have the power!"

Lily's Birthday

So it's Lily's birthday on Saturday and I don't know what to get her. I always wait until the last minute. I do this every year---you'd think I'd learn.Maybe I'll write some poetry for her. Chicks dig poetry.

I hope you don't mind...
I hope you don't mind...
That I put down in words...

No, sounds too familiar.

If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

9/11 Conspiracy Theory

Sweet Tea sent me this interesting link. If you like conspiracy theories, you'll love this. Apparently whatever crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11 wasn't a plane, and the FBI isn't talking about it.

Soapbox? What soapbox?

This is not a soapbox. I have created this blog to keep in-touch with my friends at my former employer...who shall remain nameless.

So to all of my friends at Payment Technologies (shit...I've gone and done it), this is for you.