Prison Break Pooch

When we first got Squirtle (yeah, don't let your kids name your pets), he was nice dog. He didn't know where he was allowed to shit, but that's expected of a 3 month-old pup. He was lovable; like, kids could pet him without losing a finger.

Squirtle's temperament is getting progressively worse as he approaches senior citizenship (The veterinarian tells me that a dog is a senior citizen at 8 years-old). He has bitten or attempted to bite every member of our family and all of the other pets. Nice doggie.

This weekend his aggression has reached a new high (low?). We came home from the movies to find the results of his failed prison break. He was able to bend a few of the steel bars. As you can see he was successful at breaking one of the welds.

Maybe he knows he's on death row.

State of Fear

I just finished State of Fear, by Michael Crichton. I loved it. In typical Crichton style, the book is a fun page-turner. Also in typical Crichton style, the ending is just so so. But that's OK, because the nonfiction component of this book makes up for its other weaknesses.

Nonfiction? But it's fiction, isn't it? This book is different than Crichton's other works because he includes many footnotes that backup statements made by the characters. What a fantastic concept.

Throughout the book, Crichton delivers blow after punishing blow against the global warming political movement. Each of his attacks is supported by references to real scientific studies. For me the coup de grace occurred in the first appendix, where he compares the popularity of global warming to the popularity of eugenics in the first half of the 1900s. I had no idea eugenics was so popular. I guess Hitler ruined it for everyone.

The character, Ted Bradley, was maddening and hilarious at the same time. Crichton was obviously mocking Martin Sheen. Ted Bradley¹ is a charismatic actor/activist most recognized for playing the president of the United States in a now canceled TV drama. Funny.

Not in the mood to read a 600+ page book? You might enjoy this 30 minute video from Penn & Teller. But trust me, this book is a must read. You'll feel much better about the state of the world when you're finished...or half way through.

I have to thank Tommy for recommending this book. Maybe I should listen to him more often. What were those other books he wanted me to read? The Joy of Sex? The Devil Wears Prada? The Bridges of Madison County?

- - - spoiler alert - - -

¹Mr. Bradley also plays a starring role in one of best death scenes I've ever experienced. It had me laughing out loud. That can't be healthy...I need help.

Geekcon 2006

You may remember that, back in February, my youngest son was awarded the Grand Champion prize for his Science Fair project. It was a proud moment for us.

One of the perks of being Grand Champion is an all expense paid invitation to the PSTA Annual Convention in Hershey, Pennsylvania. My son and I enjoyed the two night say at the Hershey Lodge, free food, and of course an abundance of chocolate. In return, my son had to present his project to convention goers for two hours each day. A small price to pay.

My son was amazed by the exhibit hall. It housed over a hundred companies demonstrating their latest and greatest gadgets science teachers could employ to enrich the educational experience. Ensuring that no child gets left behind. My son stared at me in amazement as the exhibitors gave him all kinds of free stuff. The novelty of being the youngest person there got him more attention than the other convention attendees.

One exhibitor gave him four large (four inches long) millipedes. Luckily, they weren't the poisonous kind.

Another exhibitor asked him to hang out at their booth because he was drawing a large crowd. I guess 4 foot tall kid with a 6 foot long Boa Constrictor wrapped around his neck is interesting to most people.

But the give away that takes the cake occurred on the last day. One of the guys involved with PSTA asked my son what he was interested in. "Anything about animals!" He took my son to an exhibitor who gave him microscope. We were shocked.

As soon as we got home my son and I started experimenting with the microscope. My son was transfixed as he gazed at various things though 400x magnification. Human hair, dog hair, paper, mold, human saliva, toilet water, aquarium water. The aquarium water yielded the coolest images. He was giddy when he got to see a Euchlanis munching on microscopic plants.

One Love

A friend of my mine, who asked that he remain nameless...you're welcome. Sent me this great music video. I love cover bands.

While we are talking about asses: Another friend (if you haven't been following along, that's TWO friends) sent me this picture of Jesus. Sheep go to heaven. Goats go to hell.

LED Fun

I'm still the favorite parent. This past rainy Sunday I made "Throwies" with the kids. A Throwie is an LED light (is that redundant?) powered by two hearing aid batteries and held together with some electrical tape.

Of course, I had do a mini science lesson about electricity. They seemed to grasp the difference betwixt wiring batteries in parallel and in series. Good times.

The assembly was extremely tedious. I was so frustrated (read: screaming) that the kids felt the need to "give me some space." "You don't need us here watching you...just call us when you're finished," my daughter said, trying to put on a happy face and pretend she wasn't scared of me. After 20 minutes of intense concentration and several f-bombs, I was finished.

My oldest son was very pleased with the LED he chose (clear LED's seem to shine the brightest). So happy, in fact, that he promptly stuck it up his nose. His semi-cross-eyed gaze was a nice, unexpected addition.

Here's younger son desperately trying to spin his Throwie fast enough to create a full circle in the photo. 'C' -- nice job. Better luck next time.

And my daughter, obviously very unhappy with her LED color choice, did nothing special for her photo. Happy happy happy. Joy joy joy.

Shopvac Afterburner

I like using a charcoal grill. The food tastes better, plus it's a great excuse to play with fire.

I use a charcoal chimney starter. Thanks to Lurker for introducing this device to me. I think Sherry wants to thank you too...but she has trouble being nice to people.

"This environmentally safe chimney starter lights a charcoal grill quickly and easily without lighter fluid. Food tastes better and the charcoal lighter fluid odor doesn’t permeate your picnic--or the environment."

It's pretty simple to use. Fill the top part with charcoal and the bottom part with a sheet of newspaper. Light the newspaper and wait 20 minutes. 20 minutes. That simply doesn't cut it for the have-it-right-now generation.

Here's a method I use for lighting my charcoal in 2 minutes. 2 gloriously fun and surprisingly educational minutes.

Warning: This is pretty dangerous. Before you start, make sure your kids and pets are indoors (My oldest son was with me only because I needed someone to take pictures, and Sherry was too busy watching football...err...screaming at the TV.) Choose an area that is free of dry grass and/or leaves. Wear a hat (I wore a cotton baseball hat) and eye protection (normal glasses for me).

Light the newspaper just like before, but after the newspaper is finished burning, pick up the chimney and carry it to an open area...free of combustible items.

Turn your shopvac to 'blow.'

Hold your lit chimney as far away as possible. Tilt the top slightly away from your head.

Slowly bring the blowing end of the shopvac tube to the bottom of your chimney. It's important to do it slowly because a large amount of loose ash blows out initially. The first time I did this, I realized that my hair might ignite. It was quite a precarious situation. I was holding a chimney of hot coals in one hand, a shopvac hose in the other and little pieces of hot ash where landing on my head. This is what the bottom of the chimney looks like.

At full throttle, the charcoal begins to super-heat. It puts out a staggering amount of energy. It only takes 90-120 seconds of full after-burner to light all of the coals.

You'll see the sides of your chimney start to glow red. That's a good indication that it's time to stop. ...Or...you can keep going and see how hot it can really get. Eventually, if you aren't wearing gloves, which I wasn't, the heat will become unbearable.

Turn off the shopvac and let the flames die down. At this point you'll be kicking yourself for using up all your arm strength on the prior step. You really can't move around that much during this step, and dumping the coals in to the grill is out of the question. Dig deep and find the strength to hold the chimney for a few more seconds and enjoy the two foot flames.

Finally, dump your hot glowing coals into your grill. These coals run a little hotter than coals lit using the normal method for lighting, so you'll need to adjust your cooking time. Sherry, remember the last time I did this and the hamburgers caught on fire? God that funny. Good times...good times.

Unsupervised Halloween

I took the kids out for trick-or-treat last night.

The experience was typical. The community involvement covered the wide spectrum.

1. misanthrope -- no lights on; leave us alone



2. bucket -- a bucket of candy on the porch; this always works because kids will only take one piece of candy



3. heart beat -- real people handing out candy; slightly more involved than a bucket



4. normal -- lots of Halloween decorations and scary music; real people handing out the candy and actually attempting to interact with kids



5. Martha Stewart -- full-on Halloween party including: tent housing two picnic tables and chairs; picnic-type foods: hot-dogs and condiments, chips, and drinks (hot chocolate, juice boxes, water, and soda); music, decorations, and fancy lighting

There was one house that didn't really fit in. A few yoots set up shop in the their parent's garage. Strobe lights and industrial music set the mood. Just as the trick-or-treaters entered the garage, one of the teens would surprise them from behind with a real circular saw. It's unmistakable metallic whine was easy to hear over the blaring music. Yes, it had a blade. I guess they thought that the safety shield would be enough. One of the other yoots demonstrated his pyrotechnic prowess by creating a flamethrower using a lighter and a can of Static Guard.

Scary.

New Office Photos

OK, I've got some more photos of the new office. I know it's just an office building, but I'm into architecture.

There is a long greenhouse-like covered walkway that extends from the parking lot to the building. It has fantastic acoustics. I haven't found the resonating frequency yet.

This is the view from the entrance to our office space. That's Margaret on the left. She answers the phone.

Mark Rebuck has software that "sews" together multiple photos into one. This one is the combination of about 4 photos.

This is the atrium from same vantage point as the panoramic photo above. The plywood is there to protect the glass windows while they complete the construction.

At the opposite end of the office space, there is a glassed-in silo-like spiral staircase.

New Cell Phone

So my employer finally came through with a cell phone. A shiny new LG VX8300.

I can see myself getting a lot of use out of the integrated digital camera feature. In lieu of anyone buying me a real digital camera.

The phone has lots of other interesting features, including bluetooth. Unfortunately most of these features are neutered by Verizon Wireless. Thanks. I'm sure your technically retarded business decisions are making you boat loads of cash.

When a mobile phone has bluetooth it should mean that it becomes less of an information island. Verizon doesn't see it that way. They want you to use bluetooth to attach A-Hole-like accessories like the Jabra BT350, which Versatile was kind enough to provide for me. Now I have another device in my arsenal with which to annoy my wife. Whatdoya say babe? Pretty annoying? Babe? Wanna drive to Hogwarts?

If I want the cool photos I've been snapping, I'll have to email them to myself. Really? That doesn't seem right. Why can't I transfer them to my laptop via bluetooth. Verizon says 'no'.

I keep my contacts in my Yahoo address book. It would be nice if I could transfer them to my phone via bluetooth. Verizon says 'no'.

Luckily there are ways around these problems. With an open source tool called BitPim, I'm able to do all kinds of things with my phone. I'm pretty sure I haven't voided any warranties. Now I can transfer pictures, music, and contacts betwixt my phone and laptop. Cool.

I Hate People: part 3, The Trash Fairy Strikes Back

Back in the day I wrote about the trash fairies visiting my sidewalk.

2006.10.16, 9:55PM: Two guys wearing coats that were inappropriately large/warm for 50 degree weather were hanging out in front of my house. The suspects were making noise, smoking cigarettes, and oh, smashing a mountain bike.

Path #1: Call the police and describe to the dispatcher the scene unfolding in front of me as I peer through the curtains. By the time the police cruiser is deployed to the crime scene, the loiterers are long gone. The police officer and I share awkward glances as we stare at the lump of metal that used to be a bicycle.

Path #2: Finish watching the end of Heroes.

Both paths lead to: JC cleans up bike parts from the sidewalk.

Mathlete Game

Deviousbard sent me this wonderful game. It combines two of my favorite things -- computer games and prime numbers. Both of these are very popular with the women.

Sherry, don't worry, you don't have to have an interweb connection to play! You can save the page locally so you can play sans interweb. Life is good.

On a side note, the domain name for the PrimeShooter game is a little troubling: 1729.com. 1729 is definitely not prime. Maybe I should contact the owner. That's just embarrassing.

Ubuntu

After I got my company laptop, I was happy to overwrite the default Windows installation with Linux.

For two days I struggled with the Gentoo install. Not having the Gettle to do it all for me, I quickly (OK, 2 days) realized that this task was unrealistic for my skill-set.

So, I downloaded the Ubuntu ISO and gave it a try. Wow. I had a working Linux installation in 30 minutes. It took another 15 minutes to get the the direct rendering working. Most of that time was spent reading documentation. The laptop has a dual core processor, but it didn't look like the OS knew about it. So, 10 minutes later (again, most of that time was spent reading documentation) I had a SMP-enabled kernel. Cool.

The default Ubuntu installing uses Gnome for it's window manager. I like fluxbox. So I installed that. Unfortunately, fluxbox doesn't play nice with GDM and/or Ubuntu. It runs fine, but when I logout and try to return to the GDM login screen, the screen goes all crazy-silly. I guess I'll use Gnome for now. There is a fluxbox-ubuntu distro, but I found out about it too late.

After the installation was complete, I was alarmed to find that there was no root account. Oh no, did I forget something? Did I not pay attention during the install? Alas, this is how the default Ubuntu install works. Sigh. The root account can be enabled, but they prefer you use sudo. So far, I've been happy with using sudo.

I wasn't surprised to find that the install didn't pickup my wireless chip-set. I looked at the wireless installation notes. "Download blah1.2422314.323.patch. Apply the kernel patch. Recompile the kernel. Download huh3124.234.23.deb module." It seemed kind of complicated, so I avoided the issue for a few days. On a whim, I decided to try a different method. Gnome has a nice network configuration GUI application. I started that up and enabled the wireless network and that was it. I now have a wireless network connection.

The software updates are easy. Ubuntu checks once a day for any patches. If it finds something, it notifies you by displaying an icon in the upper right-hand corner. Clicking on the icon activates the software updates download/install.

As you can tell, I'm pretty happy with Ubuntu. So happy that I proposed to my kids that we (OK, I) install it on a computer for them to use. My daughter and youngest son were both concerned with not being about to use Word or PowerPoint. God damn you Microsoft. Damn you all to hell.

The New Office

My new employer moved into the new office space two days after I started working for them.

The building is impressive. It's on a huge plot of land and sits far back from the main roads. It was built by the now bankrupt PHICO.

Our offices occupy the top (3rd floor) western half of the building. In the center of our space there is a courtyard that measures 35x75 feet and descends four floors to the basement level. When I walked to the railing for the first time, my legs did that I'm-not-going-any-farther-cause-you-are-gonna-kill-yourself thing. The area is just begging me to either fly some kind of model aircraft into it, drop something into the dark depths, or spit. So I did all three.

A few days after we were settled, the office manager sent an email to everyone, telling us not throw paper airplanes in the courtyard. This was odd because she knew it was only me and another employee having the paper airplane contest. Within the first week of starting my new job, I got in trouble and I was publicly reprimanded. Some things never change.

The land around the building is popular with hawks. On any given day there are 6 to 10 birds of prey flying around the building. It makes me want to get back into flying model sailplanes. On Friday, one of these birds was perched on the railing of our balcony. A coworker, who just happened to have his digital SLR with a 300 millimeter lens, snapped several photos. My son identified the bird as a Northern Goshawk.

As soon as I get my digit SLR (hint hint, Sherry), I'll take some photos of the building.

Google Code Search

I'm currently wiping down my computer.

I just found out about Google Code Search. As you can probably guess (OK, maybe not Tommy or Sherry), it's a search engine specifically tuned to find open source code. Cool enough.

But the thing that made me cream all over the keyboard was Google's decision to use regular expressions for their search string syntax. Good god. Does this mean that regular expressions are going to hit the mainstream? I hope so.

Imagine (Tommy and Sherry, you're exempt from this activity) how much more useful Google would be with regular expression capability.

Update 2006.10.09: All technology can be used for evil.

Martyr

It's only been two days since I left CBC, and it appears that I've already been martyred.

I get 70 virgins right? Can I request a body type? I don't want any of mine to have a BMI greater than 19. Oh and A-cups please, although if you want to sprinkle in few B and C cups I won't argue.

Knowing my luck, they'll get on the same cycle.

What happens when they're no longer virgins? Do I get a new batch? Or do I have to be martyred again?

Total Chaos

Well it appears that the guys at Capital Blue Cross (not my old employer per se, but the last place I worked) miss me. They sent me this photo. I didn't get the impression that I was going to be missed. (this is a really long sentence, so take a deep breath) On my last day, when I asked if anyone wanted a pelvis-in, inappropriately long hug,   topped off with a shoulder nuzzle, and a dangerously low back rub, I got no takers.

My first day at Versatile was total chaos. Remember that laptop I was supposed to get? I won't be getting it until Monday. I'm told it will be an IBM ThinkPad T43. It was hard to concentrate with interweb withdrawal. I also didn't have a cellphone, so I felt completely cut-off. Remember the scene from The Matrix when Neo doesn't know he's in the matrix yet? He's sitting in his cube at work staring at his computer.  A package is delivered, and it's a cellphone? Well, it's kind of like that, only no computer, no package, and no cellphone.

I went out to lunch with the guys from Chase (my old employer). Their office is in the same business park as Versatile. Nick paid. He said something like "Someday, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me..." I think it's a literary reference. I'm pretty sure he's gonna ask me to look the other way while he dumps some suspicious trash in my dumpster.

A Fond Farewell

I got a new job! It's only been a little over a year since I switched employers, but I think this is a good move.

I had to stop by the old office for the last time...

me:	“I'm here to drop off my office keys and cellphone.”
old boss:	“Thanks. We're gonna miss ya.”
me:	“It's been a pleasure. Thanks for the opportunity.”
old boss:	“So they offered you more money?”
me:	“Yeah.”
old boss:	“If you ever change your mind, you're always welcome back.”
me:	“Thanks.”
old boss:	“Like, if they don't keep the promises they made.”
me:	“...ok.”
old boss:	“Or if they can't find enough work for you and you don't make any money and you end up on the bench. That would be really bad. You know what I mean?”
me:	“....uh....yeah....thanks for the offer?”

My new employer is Versatile. I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing for them, but I'm excited. Here's how I see it (Surprise Sherry. I made a list):

pros:

• better pay


• closer to home


• relaxed dress code


• more challenging work


• working with SweetTea again


• a more flexible work schedule


• work from home (Sherry, we're gonna need more Bonbons)


• linux on my laptop


• a laptop


• free beverages

cons:

• expensive health insurance


• meeting new people


• working with SweetTea again


• business travel

Hibernate's New Clothes

Ever since it's inception, Hibernate has been touted as the savior of the database centric application. Its Object-Relational mapping defined externally to the application code was going to eliminate thousands of lines of code for doing Create, Read, Update, and Delete (CRUD) database activities. Every press article I've ever read has nothing but good things to say about Hibernate. If you as a developer are not using Hibernate, there must be something wrong with you.

There's a fairy tale written by Hans Christian Anderson entitled The Emperor's New Clothes. In a nutshell, the story is about two smooth talking tailors who convince the Emperor that the invisible clothes they have made for him are the most exquisite in all of the kingdom. The tailors added that anyone who couldn't see how remarkable the clothes were was obviously a fool. Not wanting to be thought a fool the Emperor "dons" the clothing, and strolls through town completely naked. All of the townsfolk, not wanting to be thought fools either, praise the craftsmanship of the clothing. Only a single boy in the kingdom has the courage to say that the Emperor is not wearing any clothes.

Well, I just have this to say, "Hibernate, put some clothes on!"

I had another run-in with Hibernate the other day. I was working with a very simply database model.



I was using Hibernate to do the normal CRUD operations. Until I tried to do something fancy.

I wanted to insert a new Item and a new ItemType at the same time. I know what you're thinking, "That's Crazy!". Hibernate thought I was crazy too. It complained of a foreign key constraint violation. I spent two days trying to solve this problem, thinking the whole time how much easier it would be to use JDBC.

I solicited SweetTea’s help. He suggested that I set the cascade attribute on the many-to-one relationship to "none". That didn’t fix the problem. He also suggested that I re-fetch the new ItemType after I inserted it. That didn’t fix the problem either. Sorry, SweetTea. Your two years of Hibernate experience aren’t enough for this problem.

So, I checked online, and I found lots of tutorials/reviews written by enamored Hibernate fan-boys. Saying things like:

"Hibernate is simply the greatest object-relational mapping tool available for Java. I wrote an order application in just a few lines of code. I can’t imagine how hard it would have been to use straight JDBC."

Really? I can. It’s not that hard. I’m sure I can do a crazy two table insert in less than two days.

Thankfully, DeviousBard saved the day. Whoosh! After he was finished laughing at me for having to work with Hibernate, he dug in and started tweaking the Hibernate configuration files. Between us, DeviousBard and I have about 20 years of Java experience, but we must be complete idiots. We were pretty much changing settings randomly, and getting unexpected results.

• Lazy initialization Errors


• Batch Update Exceptions


• Class Cast Exceptions


• OMG Hibernate Sucks Exceptions

A few hours later, DeviousBard noticed something that appeared to be completely unrelated. A few lines above my troubled code, I was fetching an object by ID from one of the tables that I was attempting to insert into. The object was not found, and Hibernate simply returned null. Not a problem. Right? Wrong! This was the problem. Our best guess is that because the fetch was done within the same transactional context as the insert, Hibernate attempted to perform some sort of CRUD activity on the null object. By simply removing the seemingly unrelated code, my code suddenly started working. Shoot me.

I’m usually interested in knowing why and how things work. Usually when I start using a new API, I dig into the source, and have a look around. I have no interest in Hibernate internals. It’s like trying to figure out why a turd stinks.

I think I’m gonna write an Eclipse plugin called "WakeUp". Its sole purpose is to convert a Hibernate configuration file and the associated Java code back into POJO's that use JDBC. Then maybe, when everyone else in the Java world is willing to admit that Hibernate has no clothes, I can become a millionaire by selling the product that brings them back to reality.

Smarmy Ornery Hen

Need a name for your interweb alter-ego? Try the Internet Anagram Server. Deviousbard (see? It worked for him.) introduced it to me. I found the advanced search to be much more useful.

Sherry:

• Marry Horny Semen


• Horny Means Merry


• Marry Senor Hymen


• Ornery Man Rhymes


• Smarmy Ornery Hen

Oldest son:

• Amen Nerd


• Nerd Name


• Mean Nerd


• Damn near even

Youngest son:

• Fang Firm Inn


• Snarf in clam fungi

Daughter:

• Mutant Man


• Tan mum ant

Me:

• Her clansman John

Have fun.

Loose Theory

I recently watched Loose Change...all 90 minutes of it. Loose Change is a movie that presents an alternative interpretation of the events that happened on September 11th, 2001. I wasn't able to view the whole movie in one sitting, because I found it difficult to watch. It has an overload of information, a low-budget production quality, and immature/unprofessional narration.

Am I conspiracy freak? Well, yeah, but this movie doesn't do it for me.

There are few things that the movie presents that are hard to refute:

• The evidence at the Pentagon crash site doesn't support the official interpretation.


• Steel frame buildings don't collapse when they burn.


• The large amount of assets moved around before the event.

But at the same time, this alternative theory has just as many holes as the official news story:

• "The passengers of flight 93 were flown to an airport in Cleveland and debriefed." Huh? Who are these people and where are they now?


• I don't see how a government that can't get adequate supplies to the troops in Iraq could possibly organize something this vast and complicated.


• What's the motivation?

Even if you don't agree with the what the movie is trying to convey, it's still worth a watch. Near the end of the film there is a clip from Fox News that's hilarious (well, sad). If millions of people didn't take the reporting from Fox News as gospel, I'd watch for the entertainment quality. They are truly delusional.

Nooooooooo!

Microsoft has scored an exclusive contract to supply the ECU (Electronic Control Units, responsible for a car's engine management) for Formula 1. Shoot me. This is one of the few sports I enjoy watching.

Yes, this news is more than 2 months old, but I just found out about it...so it's news to me.

Maybe this is why Michael Schumacher is retiring.

Here's a funny:

"In addition, the WMSC also announced that due to a significant increase in cornering speeds in F1 this season, the sport's Technical Working Group will be consulted regarding possible measures to slow the cars down."

Looking to slow down the cars? Microsoft can help with that.

An Easy Target

Everyone knows that Sherry is a TV nut. But I have to say, it was pretty funny to see a hand written note depicting the up coming TV schedule. Here is a computerized rendering of the note:

	8PM	9PM	10PM
Sun	Amazing Race (C) Simpsons (F)	Family Guy (F)	Brothers & Sisters (A)
Mon	Prison Break (F)	Heroes (N) Runway (CW)	Brian (A) Studio 60 (N)
Tues	Fri Night Lights (N) Gilmore (CW)	Knights (A)
Wed	Jericho (C)	Lost (A)	The Nine (A) Kidnapped (N)
Thurs	Ugly Betty (A) Earl/Office (N) Survivor (C)	Grey's (A)	Six Degrees (A) ER (N)

You're welcome!

See Sherry? Why are you still using paper? You can even add links to the various shows. Here is my schedule for the upcoming TV season:

	8PM	9PM	10PM
Sun	Simpsons (F)	Family Guy (F)	Quake
Mon	Quake	Heroes (N)	Girls Gone Wild
Tues	binge/purge	teen porn
Wed	asian porn	Lost (A)	play with air compressor
Thurs	Earl/Office (N)	burn stuff	Quake

I noticed you have an opening in your schedule Tuesday nights at 10PM. I left that time open as well. Wink wink. Nudge Nudge.

Snakes on a Blog

Yes, I spent $8 to see Snakes on a Plane in the theater. I've paid to see worse. Blade II comes to mind.

It was a typical horror/thriller with lots of unlikable characters serving as fodder for the villain/snakes. The only fun I had was trying to predict who was going to die and in what order.

The couple that couldn't keep their hands off of each other died predictably in the bathroom doin' the mile-high thing. The girl got hers on her incredibly large breast. Gross. Breasts should never be that large.

The Paris Hilton character with her pampered pooch-in-a-purse -- I think Sweet Tea said, "I'll enjoy watching the dog die. I'll also enjoy not blogging about this movie."

"He's the toughest guy you'll ever meet," said Mr. Jackson's character, talking about his FBI partner -- He dies. The twist? He has a debilitating fear of snakes. Shocking.

The best kill for me was when the 300-pound python devours a full-grown man. This person was the prick that pitched Paris's pooch at the preying python presumably to protect himself...which didn't work... Yes, a 30 foot long snake was smuggled onto a plane. No problems there.

The movie has a future on TV. I'm sure it will air on a three-day holiday weekend as part of a Terror in the Skies movie marathon. The only thing the TV audience will miss watching the censored version, and perhaps the only reason to see the movie, is the scene in which the chick gets bit on the breast, and the other part when Samuel L. Jackson utters the catch phrase that will not die:

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Uncanny Valley

I was trolling the interweb for hot Korean chicks again this weekend, when I came across this beauty.

I know it's just a single frame rendering, but I'm impressed.

sherry: "I could totally tell she was CG."

Right.

Schadenfreude

When I was a kid, between the ages of 10 to 18, I had a bully who conveniently lived three houses down from me.

My mom liked to say, "People like that always cook their own goose."

I never believed her. It's hard for a kid to think that way especially when you're in a headlock.

mom:	“Where is your Halloween candy?”
me:	“Yeah, um, David Fleming stole it.”
mom:	“People like that always cook their own goose.”
me:	“Right, but I still don't have my Halloween candy or my dignity.”
mom:	“Here, take some of your sister's candy. She won't mind.”
mom:	“Where is your new bike?”
me:	“Yeah, um, David Fleming stole it.”
mom:	“People like that always cook their own goose.”
me:	“Right, but I still don't have my bike or my dignity.”
mom:	“Here, use your sister's bike. She won't mind.”

So, you can imagine my glee when I heard the news that a cop shot and killed David Fleming.

"It's my life and I'll do what I want!" -- you certainly did...until the policeman shot you.

Good call, Mom!

The goose is cooked. Cooking time? 36 years.

Car Show Daycare

I was helping my kids' school raise money by parking cars for one of the numerous car shows in our town. This car show, "Corvettes at Carlisle", was one of the bigger ones, drawing about 65,000 visitors.

My shift started at 6:00AM on Saturday. Even though the show didn't officially open until 7:00AM, people arrived early.

A man was parking his truck just as I was starting my shift. At about 8:30AM, his anti-theft alarm starting going off. It was annoying, so we went to the truck to try to figure out how to turn the alarm off. That's when we noticed what had set the alarm off. The man's 8-year-old daughter had opened the door from the inside.

She was asleep when Mr. Responsible left her, so she was a little confused. We babysat her while she eagerly awaited her father's return. About 30 minutes later the man returned to his truck.

The man thought it was OK to leave his 8-year-old daughter alone for 3 hours at an event with 65,000 people.

guy #1: "Hey, we've got our apartment. We ripped up the floors, pipes, wiring, and having everything completely redone."

guy #2: "You're renting, right?"

guy #1: "Yeah."

I don't feel so bad now for letting my kids explore the world of books.

Anonymous Cowards Rejoice!

OK, the doors are open again.

It appears that WordPress has pretty good splog control. So, I've changed my comment settings to:

• Anyone can comment.


• Anyone can register.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up regretting this, but it's worth a try. Right?

Pink

daughter:	“Dad, I made a PowerPoint presentation today.”
(head):	“fuckin' Microsoft.”
me:	“Wow, that's impressive. Did you have any trouble?”
daughter:	“No, not really. OK, I had little trouble Googling for pink.”
me:	“Why was that hard. Didn't you go to google and type 'pink'?”
daughter:	“Yeah, I did, but it only found things about Pink. You know, the artist?”
(head):	“This conversation is going last much longer than it should.”
me:	“OK”
daughter:	“She sings the song, 'Stupid Girls'”
me:	“Yeah, I know.”
daughter (singing):	“Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls...”
(head):	“OMG.”
me:	“Yes. I know the song.”
daughter:	“I think she was married to that motocross guy.”
(head):	“Faster please.”
me:	“Right. Carey Hart. Got it. Where are you going with this?”
daughter:	“Oh, well I wanted to have pink as my background.”
me:	“So, what was the trouble?”
daughter:	“I told you, I only got things about Pink the artist.”
me:	“Right, we've been through this.”
daughter:	“Well, I wanted pink the color.”
me:	“You're kidding right?”
daughter:	“No, for real, I wanted a pink background but it wouldn't let me pick the color, so I thought I would go get a pink picture from the internet.”
me:	“A picture of the color pink.”
daughter:	“Right, but I couldn't find any.”
(head):	“...don't say anything JC, you'll just hurt her feelings...”
me:	“What else did you do today?”

Comcastic

I just want to take a moment and reflect on our wonderful Comcast customer sevice experience.

We had some minor problems with our internet connection. It was mostly during the day, so I didn't really care.

My wife called Comcast customer service and reported the problem on Friday. The next morning (yes, a Saturday) a friendly service technician fixed our problem. And, this is the best part, my wife managed to get $20 off our August bill. I don't know how she does it, maybe she offered to dry hump a few people.

In related news: The dirty laundry was magically washed and folded again.

I'm Back

Hi. I'm back. I'm sorry about that. I had a nasty run-in with a group of Brazilian hackers. Two months, a few defaced web pages, new blogging software, and I'm finally back online. I think I'm going to be more diligent about backups (Skinny, a "backup" is something that is used by system administrators to recover from catastrophic failures such as a disk crash).

The old blogging software I was using had some problems. I've switched to Wordpress. This is what I like about Wordpress so far:

• categories -- I can assign more than one category to a post.


• list management -- You know, that stuff on the right sidebar. Links, blogs, movies, etc.


• cool administrative interface -- You'll see it if you have a user id.


• more secure...I think.


• easier to install/administrate


• better comment/splog filtering

<geek>

I'm having a problem with the RSS feeds. It looks like some of the characters are not encoded properly.  Stay tuned.

2006.08.21, update: If you want an RSS feed, use the link in the sidebar.

</geek>

I'm not sure if I like the new look...so that may be changing.

All the user ids have been migrated, but the passwords will have to be reset. Send me an email to get your new password.

Is Your Son The Anti-Christ

I went to see The Omen with Deppen the other night.

It was very educational.

Here are 6 (Get it --- 6?) signs that your child may be the son of devil:

1. He never smiles, unless someone is dying.


2. His classmates are afraid of him.


3. The animals go crazy when he visits the zoo.


4. He never gets sick.


5. He refuses to go into a church. When you force the issue, he goes into convulsions.


6. When his mother is about to fall to her death, he doesn't help or get upset.

It's best if you ignore these signs until it's too late.

Seriously, the movie was laughable. While Deppen was in the fetal position rocking back and forth, I was struggling to regain my composure.

Happy Fun Dad

I went swimming at the public pool the other day with my kids.

Both my son and daughter had pieces of dead skin hanging on the soles of their feet. It's early in the summer, so the skin on their feet isn't tough enough for the rough concrete pool bottom.

My son showed me the bottom of his big toe. He asked me to tear off the small piece skin. Without questioning, I grabbed it with my fingers and yanked. The water-soaked skin tore easily, and he was happy.

My daughter was suffering from the same problem. She saw the quick and easy solution I had provided for her brother, and asked if I could do the same for her. "Sure" I said. I grabbed the skin and yanked. Unfortunately it didn't yield the same result. With a stunned look on her face, she gasped and immediately started crying.

The crying didn't surprise me. She is "injured" by the most benign events: Stepping on a tall blade of grass. Getting poked in the arm with a pencil eraser. Falling down a flight of stairs. This is a trait she inherited from her mother. "Come on. You're fine. Suck it up and walk it off." I said, as I tried not to loose my temper in front of a few dozen judgmental mothers. "I CAN'T WALK! IT HURTS TOO MUCH!" she belted ... even though I was sitting right next to her. "Then go for a swim or something. Just stop crying." I said. "I CAN'T SWIM! I'LL GET BLOOD IN THE POOL!" "There isn't any..." and that's when I notice the pool of blood beneath her toe.

"OK, maybe we should go to the office for a Band-Aid."

Several dozen judgemental mothers watched as I walked and my daughter limped to the office.

The lifeguard in the office was unfazed. I guess she deals with lots of bloody toes.

She cleaned and bandaged my daughter's toe. My daughter was still inconsolable. The lifeguard then turned her attention to me, and prepared to read the standard script.

lifeguard:	“I need to fill out an accident report. So I need you to answer a few questions.”
me:	“OK”
(head):	“Something bad is about to happen. She's not blocking my exit route, so I'm OK for now.”
lifeguard:	“Where did this happen?”
me:	“Over by the side of the pool.”
lifeguard:	“What happened? Did she step on some broken glass?”
me:	“Well...no. She...uh... She asked me too...uh...”
daughter:	“He ripped the skin off of my toe.”
lifeguard:	“Excuse me?”
(head):	“fuck.”
me:	“You see, she had some dead skin on her toe and she asked me to pull it off.”
daughter:	“And he yanked really hard and it hurt a lot and then it started bleeding.”
(head):	“OMG STFU!”
me:	“...She asked me to do it.”
There was an awkward moment that seemed to last an eternity. I'm sure she was contemplating whether or not she should call Child Services. We all exchanged glances.
(head):	“These aren't the droids you're looking for. These aren't the droids you're looking for.”
lifeguard:	“...I'll write down here that she stubbed her toe.”

Another near miss.

The Rockette

I recently had a parent-teacher conference with my oldest son's teacher. This is a great opportunity for me because my son doesn't talk much about what happens at school, and I'm always hungry for information.

teacher:	“Your son is going to love next year. We get to do some very interesting things.”
me:	“Oh really?”
teacher:	“Yes! The trip to New York is very popular with the students.”
me:	“When I was a kid, our family took a tour of Radio City Music Hall. Have you ever taken that tour?”
teacher:	“I know Radio City very well. I used to be a Rockette.”
(head):	“Good GOD! I thought you were one operation shy of being a woman. I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth.”
me:	“Really!?”
teacher:	“Yes, many people don't know this about me.”
(head):	“I wonder why. Maybe it's because it can't possibly to true?”
teacher:	“It was a long time ago. I was just out of high school.”
(head):	“An all boys high school?”
me:	“Interesting. I've never met a Rockette before.”
(head):	“But I have met a lying transsexual.”
teacher:	“We're getting off track. Your son is a delight to have in class.”
(head):	“Start spreading the news...”
me:	“So he's speaks up in class?”
(head):	“I'm leaving today...”
teacher:	“Oh yes. He very engaged in our discussions.”
(head):	“If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere”
me:	“That's good to hear.”
(head):	“... up ... to ... you - New York, New York!”

Later that day, my wife asked my about he conference. She's "hungry for information" too, but not hungry enough to attend the conference (I know -- couch).

Sherry:	“So, how did it go?”
me:	“She's was a Rockette.”
Sherry:	“Shut Up.”
me:	“In New York City.”
Sherry:	“Duh! Isn't she a he?”
me:	“I guess not. Maybe Radio City has spotty background checking.”
Sherry:	“OK, what else.”
me:	“What do you mean?”
Sherry:	“You talked to her for a half an hour and you have nothing else to tell me?”
me:	“What was I supposed to do? She said she was once a Rockette. I can't remember anything after that.”
Sherry:	“You're an idiot. I'm going next year.”
me:	“Ask her about Radio City Music Hall.”

The Favorite Parent

My wife and I took our old son to a school function. We were sitting with our son and some of his friends when my wife said to him:

"How's that rash? Are you still putting the cream on it?"

Wow! She is officially a typical mother.

It doesn't matter how emotionally detached I am, I'm a shoo-in for the favorite parent position.

The Da Vinci Code

Executive Summary: I didn't like it.

Note: For the six or seven people who haven't yet read this book, this post may spoil it for you.

I just finished reading The Da Vinci Code. Usually I like verisimilar¹ books, as long as I can easily distinguish the facts from the fiction. My lack of knowledge of religious history made this difficult for me. I eventually gave up. Once I assumed it was all fiction, the book was much easier to read.

I didn't care for the characters. OK, that's not true. I did care about Sophie. Probably because whenever I was imagining Sophie, I was really thinking of Audrey Tautou...hubba hubba. She can seek my Holy Grail anytime.

I feel like Dan Brown overly manipulates the reader. A good plot doesn't need repeated use of cliff-hangers to keep the reader engaged. Every chapter in his book ends with a cliff-hanger. I found myself rolling my eyes as I read the last three sentences of a chapter.

Near the end of the book I wasn't feeling excitement. I really wanted the story to end. Why did I keep reading? I wanted to be able to answer "yes" to the picnic/party conversation starter: "Did you read The Da Vinci Code?"

The upside is I've saved myself from spending $7.50 and two hours of my time by not going to see the movie.

I know that I'm not in a position to say this...but I'll say it anyway. I don't see why the Catholic church and Opus Dei are upset. Dan Brown exonerates both groups (page 428, 2nd paragraph) by saying that the villains were acting as individuals and that neither organization would condone such activities. I wouldn't be surprised if the protesters at the movie premiere were hired by the Sony Corporation.

¹Sherry here's your spoon-fed definition:

veri-sim-i-lar
adjective
Etymology: Latin verisimilis
1 : having the appearance of truth : PROBABLE
2 : depicting realism (as in art or literature)
- veri-sim-i-lar-ly adverb

Employment For The Luddites

I had no idea my in-laws or my parents could write for Wired magazine.

Yes, this post is a thinly veiled attempt to get everyone off of my back for being a logical father.

Worst Dad Ever

We live near a military base (well, the Army War College), which means there is endless stream of temporary residents in our town. Typically, the military families are here 10 to 24 months. This means that our kids have an endless stream of temporary friends.

In first grade our youngest son made the mistake of becoming best friends with a military kid.

me:	“Are you sure you wanna be so close to someone who is leaving forever when school is over?”
son:	“I'm sure. I don't mind.”
(head):	“Right. We'll see how you feel in June.”

The emotional train-wreck started in late May and continued well into the following school year. My favorite part was the externalization of his depression. It seemed like he would pick a family member at random (usually his younger sister), and then focus his anger/sadness onto that person.

son:	“This is the worst school year ever. I have no friends and my only friend doesn't live here anymore.”
(head):	“Duh! I told ya so. Can I do the 'I told ya so' dance now?”
me:	“Sorry, that really sucks.”

For me to be a 'nice person', I usually have to do the opposite of what I'm thinking. That's weird...nary a bother.

OK, I'm sure you know where this is going.

It happened again. My son (now in fourth grade) became best friends with another military kid. Here we go.

me:	“This is bullshit. What a jackass. We even reminded him what happened last time.”
sherry:	“We just have to be there when he falls and help him back up.”
me:	“Sorry. I've got better things to do.”
sherry:	“You're a heartless jackass. Why can't you show some compassion?”
me:	“I did show compassion THE FIRST TIME. Remember? I was there?”

I only have enough emotional scaffolding for one stupid mistake. Of course my wife doesn't see it that way. She is prepared to support (coddle) my son through another multi-month train wreck.

The crying has already started. He must know not to come to me, which is good, because there is no way he's gonna cry on my cold, hard shoulder.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Jackass

I was watching the first X-Men movie with my kids. Just after the scene where Rogue was forced to use Magneto's machine, my daughter asked:

daughter:	“Why does she have a white streak in her hair?”
son:	“Sometimes, when someone experiences something extremely traumatizing, they get spots of gray hair.”
(head):	“Thanks for steppin' on my line.”
daughter:	“Is he right dad?”
me:	“yup.”
As I continued to watch the movie, I could feel her looking at me.
daughter:	“Then what happened to you dad?”

Snarky...just like someone else I know.

Wake Up Hibernate

Editor's Note: This post is not about bears and their sleeping habits. Tommy and millhousethecat, you can stop reading now. Really, stop reading.

I finally had the chance to use Hibernate on a recent project. Hibernate is a full-featured and popular API, but it has some problems. Here are my grievances.

Step away from the thesaurus

I feel like it was designed by pompous thesaurus-loving assholes. If you want to query a table and bring back just one column, what do you do? Oh, well that's simple. Add a Projection. Huh? I never would have guessed that. By coming up with crazy names for simple operations, the creators of Hibernate have taken away something very important. Developers new to Hibernate can't discover and learn it by doing (coding). The API is not in touch with reality. Let's go to the javadoc for the Projection interface:

"An object-oriented representation of a query result set projection in a Criteria query. Built-in projection types are provided by the Projections factory class. This interface might be implemented by application classes that define custom projections."

Good job Gavin King. Use the word you are defining in the definition. If I didn't have someone helping me with Hibernate, it would have taken me hours to discover this feature.

Reflection is cool...sometimes

A major selling point for Hibernate is that you don't have to change your object hierarchy in order to get persistable objects. What the hell does that mean? Usually ORM's require the user to subclass some PersistableObject in order for the object to be persistable. This is usually too restrictive for mature code-bases. With Hibernate, any POJO can be persistable. How do they that? -- Reflection my friend.

Reflection is cool until you need to do some debugging. Let's say a private instance variable is being set, and you want to know who/what is setting it. OK, put a breakpoint on the setter for the instance variable in question and see what happens. When Hibernate changes the value, you'll see nothing. Hibernate stealthily sets the value using reflection and the debugger is clueless. OK, put a watch on the instance variable. That will do the trick, right? Wrong. The same thing happens, Hibernate changes the variable and the debugger has no idea the value changed.

Lazy initialization error

This is infuriating for the first-time user. Hibernate only fetches things when it absolutely needs to. By default it's...well...lazy.

For example (pseudo code):

get session
fetch someObject from the session
close session

someObject.getAValue() --->  Boom!
Lazy Initialization Exception

There are three fixes to this problem:

1. Leave the session open while you are accessing the object values.


2. Configure Hibernate to not use lazy initialization.


3. Stop using Hibernate. :)

There are more things that bug me about Hibernate, but I'm tired of typing and I'm sure you're tired of reading. Is anyone still reading?

The Mouthpiece

The sleep doctor told me to get an Adjustable Mandibular Advancement Device. This is a fancy name for a mouthpiece that pulls the lower jaw (mandible) forward to create a more open airway.

I went to the dentist and they made molds of my mouth, which they turned into clay castings. If you ask nicely, they'll give you your castings.

From the castings, they created a plastic mouthpiece.

This changes everything. The results are spectacular. I don't have to wear the CPAP mask anymore.

It's annoying to wear, but compared to the CPAP mask, it's nothing.

It's really easy to clean. I just soak it in a cleaning solution for a few hours. I use gasoline. The fumes help me fall asleep faster.

The best part? I get to sleep with my wife again!

The worst part? My wife got used to...err...being single. She keeps crying out in the middle of the night "Oh Sweettea! Post another comment on my blog!" Hmmm, no problems there.

The Fast and the Curious

My oldest son and I went to a car show this weekend. The "Custom Import Tuner Show." This car show is very popular with the younger crowd (I think the average age was 18 or 19). I guess that's why my son was so interested in going. I was hoping to see some fast and furious "race babes", like Suki (yup she's the one in the photo). No luck. Nobody even came close to lookin' like her. Maybe the movie industry unrealistically portrays women.

I was surprised to see a high concentration of disabled guys. I'm not sure why.

I saw a Nissan Skyline for the first (and probably only) time in my life. The Skyline is only available in Japan.

They had a bikini contest. It was too crowded to get close enough to see...or drool. After they (I'm not sure if there were official judges) had chosen the winner, the crowd started chanting "Show your tits. Show your tits." Judging by the crowd's reaction, I don't think any tits were shown...or maybe it was sour grapes.

Just after the bikini competition, they had a burnout competition. Nothing that interesting. Lots of tire smoke. One of the cars had an engine fire. For this event the crowd was even worse, so I wasn't able see any of the action. I held my son up above my head a few times to give him a peek. He didn't seem that impressed.

While the crowd was waiting for the various events to begin, the social order started to break down. A girl in the grandstands would stand up, and the guys would start shouting. They would ready their cameras, camera-phones, or camcorders with one hand and twirl their Mardi Gras beads with their other hand. The shouting would get louder and louder and finally erupt (climax) when the girl flashed her breasts. Then, she would get showered with beads.

Good family fun.

A Beautiful Spring Lunch

It was beautiful spring day. I thought I'd eat outside during my lunch break. After all, the building that houses my office provides a wonderful outside dining area. It's a brick patio with picnic tables, shade trees, and, oh right, smoke. Tons of secondhand smoke.

This is just in from the Department of This is Completely Logical so Shut Up: The entire and only outside dining area is a designated smoking area.

Great I'll enjoy my turkey-on-wheat sandwich with a side of hydrogen cyanide please. And maybe some heart disease.

<TheFamilyGuy>

It was worse than that time Rob Schneider was the host at Red Robin.
me:	“Yeah, ah, party of five. Non-smoking.”
Rob:	“OK. Name?”
me:	“Mann. How long is the...”
Rob:	“Mr. Mann! The Mannerator.”
me:	“Right. How long...”
Rob:	“Man-o-lan-a-ding-dong!”
me:	“...is the wait?”
Rob:	“The Sandman. Wants to know how long the wait is. Can't hold up the Mann family.”
me:	“Alright kids, we're goin' to McDonalds.”
Rob:	“Micky-Dees! The Manolition-Mann. Takin' the kids to McDonalds.”

</TheFamilyGuy>

You Write The Headline

"Man gives up masturbation for one year. Testicle explodes, killing four people."

"Man attempts to smuggle 147lbs of cocaine in right testicle."

"Man regrets decision to ignore his inguinal hernia."

Anyone? Help me out here.

INTJ

In an effort to better understand me, Charlie found this article: Caring for Your Introvert.

The article really hits the spot. After reading it I didn't feel like such a freak.

"In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing."

Yup. That's about right. For me, just replace "recharge" with "play Quake."

The article was written to help extroverts comprehend that not everyone is the same as them. I don't think Charlie paid much attention while reading it. I think he just thinks it's funny, which it is, but it's loaded with valuable information. He continues to not understand that I don't see the point of small talk. Or that slapping me on my shoulder somehow goes from not acceptable to acceptable, if you just do it enough times.

Freakonomics

I just finished reading Freakonomics. I really enjoyed it. It was easy to read and difficult to put down. I imagine the average reader, which I am not, could read this book over the course of two weekends.

The authors of Freakonomics meander from topic to topic like ADD kids in a toy store. It's annoying at first, but by the third chapter, I was OK with it.

Why did I like it? I'm for any book that challenges "conventional wisdom," and this book does so in every chapter.

Here's one example concerning safety. Most people focus on normal things:

Guns -- If your child wants to play at a friend's house, you may want to know if the friend's parents have guns.
Car seats -- Buy the most expensive car seat for your child. Never buy a used car seat. Make sure the car seat is installed correctly.
Flying -- Flying is safer than driving. That's what I tell myself when the plane prepares for a landing. It makes me feel better.

The conventional wisdom is usually fed to us by the media, and the media loves/needs shock-value. This books ignores shock-value and analyzes data.

Guns -- A child accidentally shot by his best friend makes for a better headline than a child drowning a pool. When the data is analyzed, it's revealed that it's about 100 times more dangerous to send your child to a house with a swimming pool than it is to send your child to a house where both the parents have guns.

Car seats -- "The data show that car seats are, at best, nominally helpful", the author writes. Again, sighting that basic backyard pool safety is a much wiser investment.

Flying -- When you account for the number of hours the average person spends in plane vs. a car ..."The per-hour death rate of driving versus flying, however, is about equal. The two contraptions are equally likely (or, in truth, unlikely) to lead to death."

If you looking for a book that contains mathematic and economic rigor, this is not the book to read. Instead I would recommend The Music of the Primes. If you looking for a book that explores a singular theme, you might want to pick up a copy of The History of Salt.