Martyr

It's only been two days since I left CBC, and it appears that I've already been martyred.

I get 70 virgins right? Can I request a body type? I don't want any of mine to have a BMI greater than 19. Oh and A-cups please, although if you want to sprinkle in few B and C cups I won't argue.

Knowing my luck, they'll get on the same cycle.

What happens when they're no longer virgins? Do I get a new batch? Or do I have to be martyred again?

Total Chaos

Well it appears that the guys at Capital Blue Cross (not my old employer per se, but the last place I worked) miss me. They sent me this photo. I didn't get the impression that I was going to be missed. (this is a really long sentence, so take a deep breath) On my last day, when I asked if anyone wanted a pelvis-in, inappropriately long hug,   topped off with a shoulder nuzzle, and a dangerously low back rub, I got no takers.

My first day at Versatile was total chaos. Remember that laptop I was supposed to get? I won't be getting it until Monday. I'm told it will be an IBM ThinkPad T43. It was hard to concentrate with interweb withdrawal. I also didn't have a cellphone, so I felt completely cut-off. Remember the scene from The Matrix when Neo doesn't know he's in the matrix yet? He's sitting in his cube at work staring at his computer.  A package is delivered, and it's a cellphone? Well, it's kind of like that, only no computer, no package, and no cellphone.

I went out to lunch with the guys from Chase (my old employer). Their office is in the same business park as Versatile. Nick paid. He said something like "Someday, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me..." I think it's a literary reference. I'm pretty sure he's gonna ask me to look the other way while he dumps some suspicious trash in my dumpster.

A Fond Farewell

I got a new job! It's only been a little over a year since I switched employers, but I think this is a good move.

I had to stop by the old office for the last time...

me:	“I'm here to drop off my office keys and cellphone.”
old boss:	“Thanks. We're gonna miss ya.”
me:	“It's been a pleasure. Thanks for the opportunity.”
old boss:	“So they offered you more money?”
me:	“Yeah.”
old boss:	“If you ever change your mind, you're always welcome back.”
me:	“Thanks.”
old boss:	“Like, if they don't keep the promises they made.”
me:	“...ok.”
old boss:	“Or if they can't find enough work for you and you don't make any money and you end up on the bench. That would be really bad. You know what I mean?”
me:	“....uh....yeah....thanks for the offer?”

My new employer is Versatile. I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing for them, but I'm excited. Here's how I see it (Surprise Sherry. I made a list):

pros:

• better pay


• closer to home


• relaxed dress code


• more challenging work


• working with SweetTea again


• a more flexible work schedule


• work from home (Sherry, we're gonna need more Bonbons)


• linux on my laptop


• a laptop


• free beverages

cons:

• expensive health insurance


• meeting new people


• working with SweetTea again


• business travel

Hibernate's New Clothes

Ever since it's inception, Hibernate has been touted as the savior of the database centric application. Its Object-Relational mapping defined externally to the application code was going to eliminate thousands of lines of code for doing Create, Read, Update, and Delete (CRUD) database activities. Every press article I've ever read has nothing but good things to say about Hibernate. If you as a developer are not using Hibernate, there must be something wrong with you.

There's a fairy tale written by Hans Christian Anderson entitled The Emperor's New Clothes. In a nutshell, the story is about two smooth talking tailors who convince the Emperor that the invisible clothes they have made for him are the most exquisite in all of the kingdom. The tailors added that anyone who couldn't see how remarkable the clothes were was obviously a fool. Not wanting to be thought a fool the Emperor "dons" the clothing, and strolls through town completely naked. All of the townsfolk, not wanting to be thought fools either, praise the craftsmanship of the clothing. Only a single boy in the kingdom has the courage to say that the Emperor is not wearing any clothes.

Well, I just have this to say, "Hibernate, put some clothes on!"

I had another run-in with Hibernate the other day. I was working with a very simply database model.



I was using Hibernate to do the normal CRUD operations. Until I tried to do something fancy.

I wanted to insert a new Item and a new ItemType at the same time. I know what you're thinking, "That's Crazy!". Hibernate thought I was crazy too. It complained of a foreign key constraint violation. I spent two days trying to solve this problem, thinking the whole time how much easier it would be to use JDBC.

I solicited SweetTea’s help. He suggested that I set the cascade attribute on the many-to-one relationship to "none". That didn’t fix the problem. He also suggested that I re-fetch the new ItemType after I inserted it. That didn’t fix the problem either. Sorry, SweetTea. Your two years of Hibernate experience aren’t enough for this problem.

So, I checked online, and I found lots of tutorials/reviews written by enamored Hibernate fan-boys. Saying things like:

"Hibernate is simply the greatest object-relational mapping tool available for Java. I wrote an order application in just a few lines of code. I can’t imagine how hard it would have been to use straight JDBC."

Really? I can. It’s not that hard. I’m sure I can do a crazy two table insert in less than two days.

Thankfully, DeviousBard saved the day. Whoosh! After he was finished laughing at me for having to work with Hibernate, he dug in and started tweaking the Hibernate configuration files. Between us, DeviousBard and I have about 20 years of Java experience, but we must be complete idiots. We were pretty much changing settings randomly, and getting unexpected results.

• Lazy initialization Errors


• Batch Update Exceptions


• Class Cast Exceptions


• OMG Hibernate Sucks Exceptions

A few hours later, DeviousBard noticed something that appeared to be completely unrelated. A few lines above my troubled code, I was fetching an object by ID from one of the tables that I was attempting to insert into. The object was not found, and Hibernate simply returned null. Not a problem. Right? Wrong! This was the problem. Our best guess is that because the fetch was done within the same transactional context as the insert, Hibernate attempted to perform some sort of CRUD activity on the null object. By simply removing the seemingly unrelated code, my code suddenly started working. Shoot me.

I’m usually interested in knowing why and how things work. Usually when I start using a new API, I dig into the source, and have a look around. I have no interest in Hibernate internals. It’s like trying to figure out why a turd stinks.

I think I’m gonna write an Eclipse plugin called "WakeUp". Its sole purpose is to convert a Hibernate configuration file and the associated Java code back into POJO's that use JDBC. Then maybe, when everyone else in the Java world is willing to admit that Hibernate has no clothes, I can become a millionaire by selling the product that brings them back to reality.

Smarmy Ornery Hen

Need a name for your interweb alter-ego? Try the Internet Anagram Server. Deviousbard (see? It worked for him.) introduced it to me. I found the advanced search to be much more useful.

Sherry:

• Marry Horny Semen


• Horny Means Merry


• Marry Senor Hymen


• Ornery Man Rhymes


• Smarmy Ornery Hen

Oldest son:

• Amen Nerd


• Nerd Name


• Mean Nerd


• Damn near even

Youngest son:

• Fang Firm Inn


• Snarf in clam fungi

Daughter:

• Mutant Man


• Tan mum ant

Me:

• Her clansman John

Have fun.

Loose Theory

I recently watched Loose Change...all 90 minutes of it. Loose Change is a movie that presents an alternative interpretation of the events that happened on September 11th, 2001. I wasn't able to view the whole movie in one sitting, because I found it difficult to watch. It has an overload of information, a low-budget production quality, and immature/unprofessional narration.

Am I conspiracy freak? Well, yeah, but this movie doesn't do it for me.

There are few things that the movie presents that are hard to refute:

• The evidence at the Pentagon crash site doesn't support the official interpretation.


• Steel frame buildings don't collapse when they burn.


• The large amount of assets moved around before the event.

But at the same time, this alternative theory has just as many holes as the official news story:

• "The passengers of flight 93 were flown to an airport in Cleveland and debriefed." Huh? Who are these people and where are they now?


• I don't see how a government that can't get adequate supplies to the troops in Iraq could possibly organize something this vast and complicated.


• What's the motivation?

Even if you don't agree with the what the movie is trying to convey, it's still worth a watch. Near the end of the film there is a clip from Fox News that's hilarious (well, sad). If millions of people didn't take the reporting from Fox News as gospel, I'd watch for the entertainment quality. They are truly delusional.

Nooooooooo!

Microsoft has scored an exclusive contract to supply the ECU (Electronic Control Units, responsible for a car's engine management) for Formula 1. Shoot me. This is one of the few sports I enjoy watching.

Yes, this news is more than 2 months old, but I just found out about it...so it's news to me.

Maybe this is why Michael Schumacher is retiring.

Here's a funny:

"In addition, the WMSC also announced that due to a significant increase in cornering speeds in F1 this season, the sport's Technical Working Group will be consulted regarding possible measures to slow the cars down."

Looking to slow down the cars? Microsoft can help with that.

An Easy Target

Everyone knows that Sherry is a TV nut. But I have to say, it was pretty funny to see a hand written note depicting the up coming TV schedule. Here is a computerized rendering of the note:

	8PM	9PM	10PM
Sun	Amazing Race (C) Simpsons (F)	Family Guy (F)	Brothers & Sisters (A)
Mon	Prison Break (F)	Heroes (N) Runway (CW)	Brian (A) Studio 60 (N)
Tues	Fri Night Lights (N) Gilmore (CW)	Knights (A)
Wed	Jericho (C)	Lost (A)	The Nine (A) Kidnapped (N)
Thurs	Ugly Betty (A) Earl/Office (N) Survivor (C)	Grey's (A)	Six Degrees (A) ER (N)

You're welcome!

See Sherry? Why are you still using paper? You can even add links to the various shows. Here is my schedule for the upcoming TV season:

	8PM	9PM	10PM
Sun	Simpsons (F)	Family Guy (F)	Quake
Mon	Quake	Heroes (N)	Girls Gone Wild
Tues	binge/purge	teen porn
Wed	asian porn	Lost (A)	play with air compressor
Thurs	Earl/Office (N)	burn stuff	Quake

I noticed you have an opening in your schedule Tuesday nights at 10PM. I left that time open as well. Wink wink. Nudge Nudge.

Snakes on a Blog

Yes, I spent $8 to see Snakes on a Plane in the theater. I've paid to see worse. Blade II comes to mind.

It was a typical horror/thriller with lots of unlikable characters serving as fodder for the villain/snakes. The only fun I had was trying to predict who was going to die and in what order.

The couple that couldn't keep their hands off of each other died predictably in the bathroom doin' the mile-high thing. The girl got hers on her incredibly large breast. Gross. Breasts should never be that large.

The Paris Hilton character with her pampered pooch-in-a-purse -- I think Sweet Tea said, "I'll enjoy watching the dog die. I'll also enjoy not blogging about this movie."

"He's the toughest guy you'll ever meet," said Mr. Jackson's character, talking about his FBI partner -- He dies. The twist? He has a debilitating fear of snakes. Shocking.

The best kill for me was when the 300-pound python devours a full-grown man. This person was the prick that pitched Paris's pooch at the preying python presumably to protect himself...which didn't work... Yes, a 30 foot long snake was smuggled onto a plane. No problems there.

The movie has a future on TV. I'm sure it will air on a three-day holiday weekend as part of a Terror in the Skies movie marathon. The only thing the TV audience will miss watching the censored version, and perhaps the only reason to see the movie, is the scene in which the chick gets bit on the breast, and the other part when Samuel L. Jackson utters the catch phrase that will not die:

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Uncanny Valley

I was trolling the interweb for hot Korean chicks again this weekend, when I came across this beauty.

I know it's just a single frame rendering, but I'm impressed.

sherry: "I could totally tell she was CG."

Right.