An Easy Target

Everyone knows that Sherry is a TV nut. But I have to say, it was pretty funny to see a hand written note depicting the up coming TV schedule. Here is a computerized rendering of the note:

	8PM	9PM	10PM
Sun	Amazing Race (C) Simpsons (F)	Family Guy (F)	Brothers & Sisters (A)
Mon	Prison Break (F)	Heroes (N) Runway (CW)	Brian (A) Studio 60 (N)
Tues	Fri Night Lights (N) Gilmore (CW)	Knights (A)
Wed	Jericho (C)	Lost (A)	The Nine (A) Kidnapped (N)
Thurs	Ugly Betty (A) Earl/Office (N) Survivor (C)	Grey's (A)	Six Degrees (A) ER (N)

You're welcome!

See Sherry? Why are you still using paper? You can even add links to the various shows. Here is my schedule for the upcoming TV season:

	8PM	9PM	10PM
Sun	Simpsons (F)	Family Guy (F)	Quake
Mon	Quake	Heroes (N)	Girls Gone Wild
Tues	binge/purge	teen porn
Wed	asian porn	Lost (A)	play with air compressor
Thurs	Earl/Office (N)	burn stuff	Quake

I noticed you have an opening in your schedule Tuesday nights at 10PM. I left that time open as well. Wink wink. Nudge Nudge.

Snakes on a Blog

Yes, I spent $8 to see Snakes on a Plane in the theater. I've paid to see worse. Blade II comes to mind.

It was a typical horror/thriller with lots of unlikable characters serving as fodder for the villain/snakes. The only fun I had was trying to predict who was going to die and in what order.

The couple that couldn't keep their hands off of each other died predictably in the bathroom doin' the mile-high thing. The girl got hers on her incredibly large breast. Gross. Breasts should never be that large.

The Paris Hilton character with her pampered pooch-in-a-purse -- I think Sweet Tea said, "I'll enjoy watching the dog die. I'll also enjoy not blogging about this movie."

"He's the toughest guy you'll ever meet," said Mr. Jackson's character, talking about his FBI partner -- He dies. The twist? He has a debilitating fear of snakes. Shocking.

The best kill for me was when the 300-pound python devours a full-grown man. This person was the prick that pitched Paris's pooch at the preying python presumably to protect himself...which didn't work... Yes, a 30 foot long snake was smuggled onto a plane. No problems there.

The movie has a future on TV. I'm sure it will air on a three-day holiday weekend as part of a Terror in the Skies movie marathon. The only thing the TV audience will miss watching the censored version, and perhaps the only reason to see the movie, is the scene in which the chick gets bit on the breast, and the other part when Samuel L. Jackson utters the catch phrase that will not die:

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Uncanny Valley

I was trolling the interweb for hot Korean chicks again this weekend, when I came across this beauty.

I know it's just a single frame rendering, but I'm impressed.

sherry: "I could totally tell she was CG."

Right.

Schadenfreude

When I was a kid, between the ages of 10 to 18, I had a bully who conveniently lived three houses down from me.

My mom liked to say, "People like that always cook their own goose."

I never believed her. It's hard for a kid to think that way especially when you're in a headlock.

mom:	“Where is your Halloween candy?”
me:	“Yeah, um, David Fleming stole it.”
mom:	“People like that always cook their own goose.”
me:	“Right, but I still don't have my Halloween candy or my dignity.”
mom:	“Here, take some of your sister's candy. She won't mind.”
mom:	“Where is your new bike?”
me:	“Yeah, um, David Fleming stole it.”
mom:	“People like that always cook their own goose.”
me:	“Right, but I still don't have my bike or my dignity.”
mom:	“Here, use your sister's bike. She won't mind.”

So, you can imagine my glee when I heard the news that a cop shot and killed David Fleming.

"It's my life and I'll do what I want!" -- you certainly did...until the policeman shot you.

Good call, Mom!

The goose is cooked. Cooking time? 36 years.

Car Show Daycare

I was helping my kids' school raise money by parking cars for one of the numerous car shows in our town. This car show, "Corvettes at Carlisle", was one of the bigger ones, drawing about 65,000 visitors.

My shift started at 6:00AM on Saturday. Even though the show didn't officially open until 7:00AM, people arrived early.

A man was parking his truck just as I was starting my shift. At about 8:30AM, his anti-theft alarm starting going off. It was annoying, so we went to the truck to try to figure out how to turn the alarm off. That's when we noticed what had set the alarm off. The man's 8-year-old daughter had opened the door from the inside.

She was asleep when Mr. Responsible left her, so she was a little confused. We babysat her while she eagerly awaited her father's return. About 30 minutes later the man returned to his truck.

The man thought it was OK to leave his 8-year-old daughter alone for 3 hours at an event with 65,000 people.

guy #1: "Hey, we've got our apartment. We ripped up the floors, pipes, wiring, and having everything completely redone."

guy #2: "You're renting, right?"

guy #1: "Yeah."

I don't feel so bad now for letting my kids explore the world of books.

Anonymous Cowards Rejoice!

OK, the doors are open again.

It appears that WordPress has pretty good splog control. So, I've changed my comment settings to:

• Anyone can comment.


• Anyone can register.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up regretting this, but it's worth a try. Right?

Pink

daughter:	“Dad, I made a PowerPoint presentation today.”
(head):	“fuckin' Microsoft.”
me:	“Wow, that's impressive. Did you have any trouble?”
daughter:	“No, not really. OK, I had little trouble Googling for pink.”
me:	“Why was that hard. Didn't you go to google and type 'pink'?”
daughter:	“Yeah, I did, but it only found things about Pink. You know, the artist?”
(head):	“This conversation is going last much longer than it should.”
me:	“OK”
daughter:	“She sings the song, 'Stupid Girls'”
me:	“Yeah, I know.”
daughter (singing):	“Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls...”
(head):	“OMG.”
me:	“Yes. I know the song.”
daughter:	“I think she was married to that motocross guy.”
(head):	“Faster please.”
me:	“Right. Carey Hart. Got it. Where are you going with this?”
daughter:	“Oh, well I wanted to have pink as my background.”
me:	“So, what was the trouble?”
daughter:	“I told you, I only got things about Pink the artist.”
me:	“Right, we've been through this.”
daughter:	“Well, I wanted pink the color.”
me:	“You're kidding right?”
daughter:	“No, for real, I wanted a pink background but it wouldn't let me pick the color, so I thought I would go get a pink picture from the internet.”
me:	“A picture of the color pink.”
daughter:	“Right, but I couldn't find any.”
(head):	“...don't say anything JC, you'll just hurt her feelings...”
me:	“What else did you do today?”